i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
