I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize