So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
