By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
