He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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