did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
