Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
