just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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