Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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