wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
