Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
