His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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