before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
