I am midnight drunk by noon
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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