Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
