he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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