i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
