wrigley field is MILF paradise
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize