the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
