I have demons in me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
