I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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