i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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