He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
