First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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