No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
