Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
