i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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