He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
