video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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