Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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