She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hippo gnu deer
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
A bitchslap is in order.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
