Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
