Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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