just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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