I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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