Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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