I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
everyone is single if you try hard enough
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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