Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
