I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
