I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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