Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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