Pants 0. Shit 1.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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