Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize