Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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