you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
