Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I believe in your delicious
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
