in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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