are you still at the devil's house?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
