I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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