you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
