Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
