Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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