I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
