I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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