So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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