i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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