im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
