Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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