haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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