I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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