somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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