remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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