Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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