I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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