Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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