I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
