My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
