i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
