Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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