sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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