question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
