I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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