Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
